Learn to Play

I’ve been depressed since I was young but I never got professionally diagnosed. I quit my job and was in a true deep depression for a year and a half. I lived with my parents and I ignored all social/societal responsibilities. I stayed in my room all day. I would leave the house 1 or 2 days a week. I isolated myself. I hated myself. My thoughts spiraled downward into an abyss of self-destruction. It was the lowest point in my life so far. I used to play games regularly. I didn’t have the passion to do that anymore. I woke up, made a coffee, and watched YouTube videos all day, literally. I was fat and bone. I knew I had to change. I found motivational videos semi-helpful in trying to kick-start myself back into shape. I could feel the motivation but nothing would push me to take action. Then I saw a trailer for Overwatch.

I was instantly captivated. The idea of being a hero and that everyone can be a hero deeply resonated within me. Overwatch was months away but what it represented effected me right then. I took action.

I started exercising as much as I could at the time. 10 pushups a day split into multiple sets. 3-4 assisted pull-ups again split into multiple sets. Couldn’t do a proper squat so I stretched and did lunges. I was moving.

I remember the day when Overwatch came out. The servers weren’t very stable yet. Everyone was trying to get on to play. I couldn’t get into a game for the first 2 hours. I waited.

I changed my YouTube playlist to motivational&self-help videos/audio. I watched some content from Jordan Peterson/Impact Theory. I couldn’t pay attention to the whole video so I put it or music designed to inspire on in the background while playing other games. I was playing again.

The menu, the colours, the music, all captured me instantly. I was hyped before the game came out but actually getting to experience it was a level of excitement and wonder that I haven’t felt from a game before. The characters, philosophy, and art-style were all perfect for me. I jumped into a game.

I played. With no job at the time and ignoring responsibilities, I played. Hours melted into each other the first month. I was getting destroyed by every other player but I didn’t care about it. I kept playing. I had fun.

I felt better than I had in a long time. I felt joy. I learned to play again.

13 thoughts on “Learn to Play”

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